SANTIAGO Read online

  Santiago hopped off the bus and strode through the hospital’s main entrance. He asked for directions then walked up the stairs to the second floor. Coming around a corner, he saw two older people hugging and crying outside of a hospital room. Next to them, he saw a feeble older man wheeling down the hall in a wheelchair.

  Everyone looks so sad.

  Santiago stopped in his tracks. Sitting outside Laura’s room were Luis and Miguel, her two older athletic brothers, who had been soccer stars in their high school.

  Should I greet them? Do they even know who I am?

  Santiago lived in the same neighborhood his entire life, but they had never spoken, mostly due to his shyness and their popularity. Crippled by indecision, his stomach crumpled like old paper—he decided that he didn’t dare to start a conversation, so he knocked on Laura’s door. He opened it slowly, not knowing what he would find. Laura was thankfully awake, looking at him and smiling weakly. She looked ill. Yet, somehow, still radiant.

  For a few seconds, they stared at each other, unable to speak.

  “Did my conversation skills put you in the hospital?” Santiago joked as he moved closer.

  “Hey, Santiago,” she said. “Nice meeting you here.”

  He leaned down and started to hug her but pulled back, unsure if he might hurt her.

  “I’m not made of glass,” she said. “You give good hugs.”

  As they embraced gently, he smelled her short black hair. Lilacs…

  Santiago liked lilacs.

  “How do you feel?”

  “Better now,” she said. “But I was really scared. I thought I was paralyzed… My legs are still a bit numb, but at least I can walk. I couldn’t this morning. The pain relievers they gave me helped, but we still don’t know why it happened.”

  Seeing how weak she looked, Santiago’s brown eyes began to well.

  “It may be all that time you spend in the gym. Sometimes I think you overdo it.”

  “Who knows. They are running tests. Seems like I’ll be released tomorrow, though.”

  Laura sighed, covering her face with the sheets. “I look bad, don’t look at me.

  Ah you know, I was planning to ask if I could join you on your trip. Before.”

  “Oh Laura. That would be awesome!” Santiago exclaimed.

  “Maybe I would only come for a few weeks when you are in Europe. But now this happened, so…I don’t know.”

  “First, you need to get well, but we have plenty of time… I am very looking forward to our few weeks of travel in Europe.

  By the way, I’m going to tell my parents tonight.”

  He gulped nervously. “I’m afraid that the world might burn.” Santiago said.

  “Not before you see it all, first.” Laura smiled. “Be brave like Magellan, Santiago.”

  “You, too.” Santiago leaned down and whispered in her ear. “You have to get better.” He squeezed her hand longer than normal to show her how much he cared.

  Body language, he thought. Speaks a thousand words.

  Laura watched Santiago go and wondered when the shy boy would realize that she fancied him. Give it time, she thought. First, I need to get healthy. She leaned back in her hospital bed as Miguel came into her room. “Who was that runt?”

  “Oh, that’s Santiago.”

  “Is he that kid down the street who used to play with action figures?”

  “Stop making fun. He’s grown into a brilliant, sensitive man.”

  “If you say so,” Miguel said. “You need anything?”

  “Just some peace and quiet.” She motioned for Miguel to let her sleep. He left the room.

  Exhausted, Laura closed her almond-shaped eyes, and her mind flashed back to how the shy boy down the street finally got her attention. One year younger than Santiago, Laura’s family had lived down the street from Santiago’s all twenty-five years of her life. Laura’s parents even knew Santiago’s parents, but Santiago and Laura never really talked somehow until they both went to law school at the University of Panama.

  Then it happened.

  One day, she noticed this guy with messy brown hair and bashful eyes sitting alone at a student event that she had helped organize. It supported the Ngäbe-Buglé, an autonomous indigenous community, against government plans to build a copper mine within their territories. An outspoken crusader for justice who always defended the under-represented, Laura took an immediate shine to Santiago. He looked like an underdog. She liked that. After seeing him at the event, Laura approached him a few days later while they were both studying in the law library. “You are so different from everyone here, yet so familiar—who are you?” Santiago looked up from his law book and slowly took in her athletic, fit figure. He pushed his glasses up his nose and settled on her gorgeous olive skin face. He could barely speak. It was the beautiful girl down the street to whom he never dared to speak.

  “I’m Santiago…. I uh, live near you,” he said. “You’re Laura.”

  Once they got to know each other, Laura was touched by his calm, quiet intelligence, which she found charming. Santiago was slight, thin, wore big chunky glasses, and spoke softly. While he preferred to think of himself as a regular person who just had this affliction that made him feel uncomfortable around people, Laura saw a diamond in the rough in Santiago. She decided to help polish him.

  As for Santiago, he was hesitant to be friends with her—or anyone—but he soon found that he somehow felt comfortable with Laura. He didn’t know why. Beautiful extraverted women normally scared him. But after she called and invited him out for coffee, they started meeting at the café near campus every other Thursday to talk about their hopes and dreams. Then they began to study together before seeing movies together on the weekends.

  Outsiders might assume they were in love.

  But it was strictly platonic.

  During the past year, Laura had told him about her ambitions to become a lawyer for an organization like Amnesty International and her fears of not being good enough or as smart as the other law students. In response, Santiago slowly opened up about himself to her. Laura even saw his anxiety on full display on many occasions and didn’t make fun of him. She empathized and even defended him when people made fun. That was why Laura supported his idea of taking a trip “to face his fears head-on.” She hoped to make it, but now, she would have to get healthy first. Meanwhile, Santiago had some important business to take care of at home.

  A light and unexpected drizzle fell at dusk as gusts of strong summer winds brought the first leaves huddling at the entrance of Santiago’s home. This is it. Tonight, I tell them, Santiago said to himself while pacing the living room floor. He was awaiting the arrival of his eighty-one-year-old grandmother—the only person besides Laura who knew about his trip—while his mother prepared Sunday dinner.

  At six o’clock sharp, the doorbell rang. Luigi lunged, barking at the door.

  “Settle down, boy,” Santiago said and opened the door.

  “Hello Santiago! Did you tell them yet?” asked Lucia with her booming voice.

  “Shh. Not yet.” Santiago said.

  Tiny as a gnome, Lucia bounded past him into the house, her white wig slightly twisted by the wind, holding a package with flowers from the almond tree she had in her backyard. “How are the plans going?”

  “Okay. Shh. It’s going well, Grandma.” Santiago quietly updated her on his trip, mentioning that “Laura may come, if she is well enough.”

  “That’s fine, my boy. You know, for your age, you are already quite mature. Even if you are quiet, I know that you make good decisions. I never had the opportunity to travel myself. Back in my day, only very wealthy people could dream of it. For the rest of us, it was impossible. We hoped David would go abroad to study, but it did not work out,” said Lucia, lowering her voice. “But now, everything is different for you, so go out! Enjoy. Meet people. Learn. Fall in love. And stay away from bad company, whatever you do.”

  “Yes, Grandma,” Santiago answered, proces
sing her words.

  “I’m going to the bathroom now. Sometimes I talk so much I forget to go!” Lucia let out a mischievous giggle, which made Santiago laugh. “See you at the table. I’ve come hungry.”

  David walked into the living room and stared at the two giggling conspirators.

  “What’s so funny? I want to laugh, too.”

  “Nothing,” Lucia said to her son. “I’m just making jokes with my grandson. Your old mother hasn’t lost her humor just yet.”

  “That is for sure.” David rolled his eyes.

  As the family sat around the dinner table eating salad and homemade ravioli with tomato sauce, Santiago felt his old friends, fear and anxiety, tapping him on his shoulders.

  Don’t tell them, he thought. It’s not the right moment.

  Santiago shook his legs nervously under the table as Lucia and he snuck knowing glances across the dinner table. I have to do it tonight. Grandmother knows, and I promised Laura I would be brave like Magellan. As he gathered his courage to speak, his mother, Sonia, beat him to the punch. “How are the tickets going for your trip?” she asked casually, taking a bite of ravioli.

  Santiago choked on his water. “What?”

  “You think I haven’t seen you reading travel magazines and making lists and itineraries?”

  “Oh. The plane tickets?” Santiago paused for a few seconds and thought, Mom knows. Of course, moms always know.

  Then Santiago answered: “I already bought them.”

  An awkward silence came over the dinner table. Everyone stopped eating and turned to stare at Santiago. “You did what?” David bellowed, coughing compulsively.

  “Are you crazy? You could’ve warned us,” Sonia replied. “Drink some water, David.”

  “I’m telling you now,” Santiago said over his father’s coughs.

  “This is not the time to take a trip but to continue studying.” David hit the table. “Ask for your money back!”

  “I suppose you’re going to quit your job now.” Sonia looked at her mother-in-law for support. “Have you ever seen anything like this? Doing things behind his family.”

  “Santiago told me about it,” Lucia smiled. “It is around the world ticket. He’s quitting his job and selling his car.”

  “The car that he worked so hard to buy??” David shouted. Seeing his father’s face turn beet red, Santiago wanted to hide under the table with Luigi.

  “He may even go with that neighbor girl, Laura, who I understand is still in the hospital.” Lucia winked at Santiago. “I don’t see anything wrong with that.” Sonia broke into sobs. David glared at Santiago, who sank deeper into his chair.

  “Santiago is a grown man,” Lucia defended her grandson. “He knows what he’s doing. I shall ask God to keep him from all evil.”

  “You agree with this?” Sonia asked Lucia.

  “Can I speak, Mom?” Santiago jumped in. “This trip is going to help my confidence. It’s not a joyride; well, maybe it will also be. And yes, Laura plans to join me when I am in Europe for at least two weeks. You know how shy I am, and I’ve always wanted to travel abroad. So, I’m using this trip also to challenge myself. You know, when I’m in another country, I’m going to have to make many decisions, and I’m not going to have anyone to consult… I will have to grow up. Maybe I will learn a new skill for life.”

  “But, all the way around the world?” Sonia exclaimed. “So many things can go wrong. What if you are robbed and left for dead on the street, without money? Without documentation? How would you notify us? It might be all too expensive?”

  “I will figure it out!”

  “Oh, you will figure it out, eh?” David shook his head.

  Lucia waved her hand at their fear-mongering. “Tell us, Santi, where will you travel?”

  He sat up in his chair. “…I’ll go to New York first, where I’ll stay a few days,” Santiago explained quietly. “Then to Europe where I will start in Lisbon and finish in Istanbul. Finally, I will go to Asia. I will start in Bangkok and will end probably in Bali or Vietnam, I’m not sure yet. And from there, I’ll fly back to New York and then back home.”

  He gave Lucia a thank you look.

  “I am getting airsick just thinking about it,” David said, taking an angry bite of ravioli.

  “Well, you are not the one going. I am not afraid like you or Mom.”

  “Says the boy who is afraid of crowds!” David said.

  “That is why I am going. I also bought travel insurance. Laura recommended it.”

  “This Laura? Did she put you up to this?” Sonia asked.

  “No. Nothing bad will happen to me.”

  He looked at his mother, who was staring into her glass of water. “If I get sick, I can go to a hospital and receive medical attention. I just have to show them the policy.”

  “That sounds good, doesn’t it, Sonia?” Lucia said, trying to cheer up her daughter-in-law.

  “What will you eat?” David quietly belched. “Food causes me discomfort when I travel.”

  “Beetles, spiders. Anything else that crawls,” Santiago said with a huge smile.

  “Oh my gosh! You don’t mean that,” Sonia exclaimed.

  “I’m joking, but I’m serious, too! They eat them in some countries; they’re a good source of protein. Just imagine that you’re on the street, and instead of buying chicken skewers, you buy fried spiders?”

  “Are you trying to make your mother ill?” David bellowed.

  “No. But like the saying goes: when in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

  “Don’t take it so literally, Santiago!” David said.

  “Mom. Dad… I’ve been planning this for years. I have everything mapped out.”

  “But, your car,” David said. “It’s permanently gone, then?”

  “The car can be replaced, and it couldn’t take me very far anyway. I’ve exchanged those four wheels for airplane wings, Dad, and they’ll serve me for the future. You’ll see.”

  “I’ll see all right,” David grumbled, looking helplessly at his wife.

  Sonia sighed and took a big sip of water.

  “I didn’t raise you to eat spiders, Santiago.”

  Later that evening, when things calmed down, Santiago apologized for being thoughtless and not discussing his plans with his parents sooner. But Santiago knew if he wanted to make it happen, he should act and decide fast. David was still in shock. Everything was so complicated back then; you always needed a travel agent, there was no internet, and it was all way more expensive—he remembered. It took some time for his parents to get used to the idea; in the end, they had no other option but to show support. Even if they did not manifest initially, they were proud, as they never expected something like this from Santiago.

  Laura had arranged to meet Santiago in a café located in Casco Viejo, the historic old quarter of Panama, the following Thursday, their favorite day, to discuss some details of her coming on the trip. It was only a week before Santiago’s departure … but the meeting did not happen. On Wednesday morning, Laura checked back into the hospital with the same inexplicable pain in her hips. Santiago went to see her Thursday. He found her sitting in a chair by her bed, staring out of the window, looking pale and terrified. Santiago handed her a bouquet of daisies. “These reminded me of you.”

  “You’re sweet.” She trailed off, looking down at her flowers with dark circles under her eyes. “I just don’t know what’s happening to me…”

  “Laura,” whispered Santiago. “You’re going to be okay.”

  “I’ll be fine,” she said with an unconvincing smile. “Send a postcard to the hospital, if I’m still here when you get to Europe.”

  “I will stay…I don’t want you to go through this alone.”

  “Don’t say that,” she replied, frowning, “I have my family. You get on that plane. Send me news of all the places you visit. I want to taste the food you eat. I want to see through your eyes. Tell me everything. Do me that favor. If I have to stay here because the docto
rs don’t know what I have, your news will make me feel, in a way, like I flew with you, too.”

  Santiago took her gently by the hand, but this time Laura complained he was crushing her. He loosened his fingers. “I’ll write to you, I promise.”

  “Be brave Santiago…like Magellan.” She smiled.

  He kissed her gently on the forehead. “I’ll be brave… like you.”

  The rainy season has officially started in Panama, and the day Santiago had waited for his entire life finally arrived. Watching the rain pour down, Santiago worried his dream might be sabotaged by nature.

  Could a plane even take off on time in this downpour?

  His parents drove him to the airport. Lucia was also there. On their way, David barely spoke; his eyelids were loose as if he had slept only a few hours. He breathed deeply. Santiago looked at him but preferred to stay quiet. All remained in the car quietly. They arrived early. David was expecting more traffic due to rain, but it was not the case. So, with time to kill, his family escorted Santiago into the airport, pulling a big old suitcase that his father had given him. Although it was several years old, its wheels worked perfectly. In Santiago’s backpack was a folder with all his documents, plane tickets, hotel/hostel reservations, and some snacks for the trip.

  He had gone through his itinerary and travel documents for the umpteenth time.

  He was as ready as he would ever be.

  As boarding grew near, Santiago said his goodbyes to his mother and father, giving them both big hugs. He gave his tiny little grandmother Lucia a knowing look that only they understood. “See the world. Come back in one piece,” they all told him in their own way.

  It was time to get in the queue for passenger control. He had expected to feel euphoric, but standing there amid hundreds of travelers, he felt a range of emotions he had never felt before: joy, enthusiasm, fear, nostalgia, and guilt. Was it okay to travel the world while she stayed in the hospital? He encouraged himself as he got on line. Stop worrying. You can do this. Be brave like Laura. Before heading through the checkpoint, Sonia ran over and hugged him one final time, her eyes revealing a mix of enthusiasm, sadness, and pride.